How to Parent When Two Parents Do Not Get Along

It can be very difficult and stressful when two parents are not getting along or are not in agreement about how to parent. This becomes more challenging with teenagers because they will quickly understand what is going on and will make every effort to use it to their advantage. In addition, it can be very hurtful for teenagers to witness their parents not getting along.

As you know, parenting can be very challenging and even more challenging when parents are not on the same page about rules, consequences and parenting in general. Even more challenging is when two parents are not getting along at all due to separation, divorce or other stressors in the relationship. Generally in these situations, emotions are high and parents are hurt, angry, frustrated, sad or any number of other difficult emotions. Despite how difficult such situations are, it is critical that parents do not let their children witness their conflicts. I cannot tell you the number of children who I have seen for therapy who are emotionally damaged and extremely confused because their parents constantly argue and say negative, rude and disrespectful things about one another. I am not suggesting that it is easy to keep all of these emotions to oneself, however, these emotions should be shared with other adults or professionals and not with one's children.

Some tips for parenting if you are a parent in this situation:

1. Speaking with the other parent: if you know that you become easily emotionally charged when speaking with your child's other parent then it is important that you have these conversations when not in the presence of your child. It is never in a teenagers best interest to witness situations where parents become negative, yell, say negative things or become verbally abusive towards one another. The damage from this can last years and can even impact your child's ability to form healthy, trusting relationships as an adult.

2. Feeling like the other parent is undermining what you are trying to do: often times in these situations a dynamic gets set up where there is a "good parent" and a "bad parent". Generally the "good parent" lets their teenager do what they want and does not have a lot of rules or consequences while the "bad parent" attempts to maintain rules and structure for their teenager. In these situations, it is really important that both parents figure out a way to come to SOME agreement about rules and expectations. Sometimes this can be done through a third party (therapist, friend, etc) but it is critical that it get done. When doing this, pick the things that really matter and allow yourself to let some other things go. For example: it would be important for parents to agree that their teen must be getting passing grades or else there will be consequences while it may be okay for parents to not agree on how neat their teenager needs to keep their room in each of their homes if they are living separately.

3. Feeling like your teenager should know what the other parent is doing or did: parents often feel like it is important for their teenager to know that the other parent only visits with them because they are mandated to do so or that they are not paying what they are supposed to be paying each month. In some situations, parents feel like they need to tell their teenager all the awful things that the other parent did to them. In these situations, who is really benefiting from your telling your teenager these things? Usually, it is the parent who is benefiting because they are reacting to strong, negative emotions they are feeling. What I have found over the years is that in the end, teenagers and young adults know what is going on and ultimately know which parent is consistent and which one is not. In addition, I have found that teenagers become very resentful of parents who bad mouth one another (even if what is being said is true) because it causes them a lot of confusion and feelings of betrayal by both parents. Teenagers will figure this out over time and will be much better off if they see that their two parents are able to be civil and respectful of one another while in their presence.

Of course if you ever truly believe someone is doing something that harmful, illegal or significantly damaging to your child you should take immediate steps to make sure your child is safe. The above described parenting situations can be very difficult and emotionally draining and sometimes last for a prolonged period of time. If you are a parent experiencing such difficulties in parenting consistently with your child's other parent, it is important that you get support for yourself so that you can both take care of yourself and be strong for your child.

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Dr.A.K.Gangotia

Parent’s Guide to Career Conversations

"If you listen, they will talk.  If you lecture, they will walk". 

Tips for Talking to your Teenagers  

1. Pay attention to the environment.  Carefully choose the right setting and the right time for a conversation.

2. Pay attention to yourself.  What is your body language saying?  Are you really telling your teenagers you want to

talk with them?

3. Use communication encouragers.  Smiles and head nods are good encouragers; it's the little things that encourage

your teenagers to keep talking.

4. Restate what you have heard.  Every so often, put into words what you think your teenagers are trying to

communicate.  Listening is hard work; make sure you understand what your children are trying to say.

5. Use open‐ended questions.  Some questions can shut down a conversation; open‐ended questions encourage

mutual problem solving and collaboration.

6. Use reflections of feeling and content.  Be an empathic listener, and hear your teenager's perspectives and their

feelings.

7. Make helpful interpretations.  Don't try to be a know‐it‐all, but look for important patterns and themes in what

your children are saying.

8. Appropriately disclose personal information.  Recounting both the good events and the difficult things you have

faced in your life can help your teenagers better see their path and their challenges.

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How to Talk to Your Teenager About Career Choices

Consider the following tips to get the conversation going …

X  Be open. Try not to impose your interests or desires on your teenager.                                                       

Remember what it was like for you at their age.  You likely wanted to make your own decisions and come to your own 

conclusions.  Now they are trying to form their own identity and understand their strengths, values, and interests.  

Encourage them to explore options and try to let them decide their own direction.  Ask questions like "What do you 

think about..." rather than "You should…"

X  Be aware that you and your teenager may be very different from one another.

You are likely different from your parents in terms of your own unique personality, abilities, and interests.  Most people 

that report success and happiness in their careers work in an environment that "fits" them. 

X  Help your student think about their interests, skills, and personalities.  Explore with them.

Reflect with your teenager on their past academic successes and interests.  What were their favorite subjects in high 

school?  What was their least favorite?  What occupies their free time?  Can they list their hobbies and passions? 

X  Suggest your student talk to a career counselor at Kent State's Career Services Center.

These are experienced helpers with access to a variety of resources that can help your teenager make informed career 

decisions.  There are many career exploration resources and assessment tools available to help your student uncover 

more about themselves, their attributes and interests, and what careers may match them.  

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Dr.A.K.Gangotia

Meet the parents who backed their kids' dreams

Urmila Rao 

Urmila Rao speaks to parents to understand what propelled them to put their faith in their children's abilities.

When parents try to live their dream career through their children, the latter may feel frustrated. "Children are seen as legacy holders of a particular profession. Yet, they may not have the aptitude or interest for the imposed career," explains Ashok Mittal, Chancellor, Lovely Professional University.

Now, visualise a different scenario. Parents allowing their children to follow their dream, and extend full moral and financial support. Suggestions being offered when asked, and taking a step back, giving the reigns of accountability to them. What is the result? State Bank of India employee Pradeep Gupta has an answer.

As a discerning parent, he encouraged his son, Icarus Gupta who is based in the US, to go for full-time study taking a break from his work, as desired by Icarus. The IIT alumnus wanted to study further because, "I felt the urge to do more than just gather user requirements and write computer programmes," he says. While friends and relatives failed to understand why he needed to quit his high-profile, well-paying, bank job and go back to studies, his father egged him on. A confident Icarus, then, didn't need anyone else's validation.

"I learned various topics in finance and economics, useful in understanding the dynamics of financial markets and is crucial for evaluation of financial risk exposures on complicated financial products." The result? "I work at a bulge bracket bank and am involved in financial risk management," says the satisfied bank employee. He is a happy person, so are his parents. "I just ensured that both my children get a nurturing environment at home," says Mr. Gupta in all humility. He is not willing to take more credit than this.

There are many such examples. We bring to you stories of five such students from different walks of life, who took disparate routes in a bid to find their mooring. Meet five young guns -- Rashmima Dutta, Shashank Arun, Gaurie Arora, Anshul Arora, and Kabeer Shrivastava -- who are all following their dreams.

Despite not knowing much about it, Gaurie's parents allowed her to pursue an upcoming field.

My brother is studying in Singapore, and now I am out of home in Chennai, too," says Gaurie Arora, a first-year BTech student at SRM University, who has a specialisation in biotechnology. The 18-year old is quite aware of the fact that this is agonising for her parents. Yet, father Arun and mother Anju, readily allowed her to pursue her academic interests. "Though my parents don't know much about biotechnology, as it is an emerging field, they still let me go," she says.

A brief engagement with biotechnology began for this Sanskriti school student in Class 11, and continued in Class 12. Before long, what started as a 2-year appointment with the subject, culminated into a full-blown obsession. "I was always interested in biology, but I didn't want to be a doctor," explains the 2010 Class 12 pass out. "Biotech fascinated me the most, and so I wanted to pursue it further."

Gaurie didn't succumb to her doctor uncle's continual persuasion of studying medicine either. "My elder brother and his wife are doctors and my brother really wanted her to be a doctor," her father states. But the parents knew of their daughter's inclinations, and were personally against the idea of forcing their child to slog for any academic excellence. "I was always interested in biology but did not want to be  a doctor. Biotech fascinated me the most, so I decided to pursue it further," she added.

"I always favoured children to take up extra-curricular activities," says Gaurie's father, who works as Vice President, Corporate Communications in conglomerate Jindal Steel and Power. It helps hone social skills, improve interpersonal relationships, helps refine communication and presentation skills, and this is all important in today's career-driven age, maintains Mr. Arora.

While a major chunk of Gaurie's batchmates went into areas like fashion designing, journalism, architecture, engineering, and other popular, flourishing fields, she stuck to the biotech field. Even when it meant moving out of the comforts of her Delhi home, and settling into a new lifestyle and in a new culture. "We visited the SRM University campus and were very satisfied with the infrastructure," said her father.

But how difficult was it for the mother to let go of the daughter? "I wanted to give both my children an equal chance," says Mrs Arora, a BSc in Botany and BEd by qualification. The family allowed Gaurie's brother Arjun to go toSingapore for Class 9-12 studies. "He obtained a scholarship, and felt a sense of achievement, so we didn't stop him," says the father leaving the decision to his son. So, Gaurie too was given a fair chance.

On why Gaurie chose SRM, she shares, "The college did not ask for any donation, besides its reputation in biotech studies," she says. "We visited the campus and were satisfied with the infrastructure," says Mr. Arora, a qualified mechanical engineer with an MBA. The annual fee is Rs 1.5 lakh exclusive of hostel charges, he share.

As for Gaurie, the biggest change has been living in a hostel. The experience has made her more responsible. "Classes begin at 8.45 am and we can't miss it," she says. It is still the first semester and the lessons in time management and financial prudence are already being learnt. These life lessons are important too, irrespective of whether you are a doctor or a biotechnologist.

Despite financial difficulties, this boy from Etah was determined to embrace his passion -- architecture.

After completing Class 10, Shashank, who is from Etah, moved 75 km away from home to Aligarh, to take admission in Aligarh Muslim University. "I chose an architecture course," he says, "because the line of work catered to my artistic sensibilities and integrated well with utilitarian values."

His father, a lawyer, Arun Kumar Maheshwari, and housewife mother Meera, had complete faith in their child's decision.

"Etah is a small under-developed place, which couldn't have offered him any career scope," shares Mr. Maheshwari. He wasn't even forced into staying at Etah to complete 10+2 as the city had no good schools.

Three years later in 2000, Shashank passed the AMU programme obtaining a 'diploma in architectural assistantship' that cost his parents Rs 32,000 for tuitions alone, which included lodging and boarding both.

Shashank then joined a construction outfit in Delhi-NCR instead of an architecture firm. "Here, I got exposure to the execution part," he explains. For him, paper drawings being translated into tangible structures packed in more fascination.

Two years later, Shashank felt the need to specalise, but the Council of Architecture (Government of India body) stipulated that for advanced architectural studies, Class 12 certificate was mandatory.

So, in 2002, Shashank took the UP board private exam, passed, and moved on to pursue BArch from BBDNIM, Lucknow, a 5-year full-time programme that cost Rs 9 lakhs approximately. It was a testing time.

"The BBDNIM fee was high and financial compromises were done by the family," says Shashank, who has a younger brother. As the course progressed, the 28-year old became more focused.

"It was the project coordination part where exists a massive coordination gap -- right between designing and final execution of that design at the site."

After completing BArch in 2009, he took admission in School of Planning and Architecture (SPA) to pursue a full-time two-year master's in Building, Engineering, and Management. Total cost: Rs. 2.5 lakhs. But the final semester student is now training at a prominent architect firm called Design Consortium.

"Here, I give designing solutions," explains Shashank who uses father's first name, Arun, as his own surname. Now that's a gift, which can make any father swell with pride.

This lawyer's high-profile clients pay the bills, while the less fortunate get his service pro bono.

Kabeer may have had a vague interest in social service as a teenager, yet, with his cosmopolitan disposition, working as an activist or with an NGO was a ruled out early on. This boy from Gorkhpur aspired for a high-profile career that afforded the finer things in life.

So, when father Arun Kumar Shrivastava suggested he take up law, a career that could enable him to achieve a fine blend of two contradictory worlds, he readily agreed. And to nobody's surprise, the bright boy stood as a star performer in his law studies.

Ideally, his father, General Secretary in Janata Dal (U) wanted Kabeer to pursue engineering, followed by an MBA. "But I was an average Mathematics student," admits Kabeer. So after Class 10 in Gorakhpur and Class 12 from Delhi, the next stop was law in Mumbai.

While homemaker mother Kiran Bala harboured no objection to his desire, some concerns were raised in the joint family where he grew up.

"This was to do with the perception about lawyers, who usually end up surviving with little means," says Mrs Bala, herself a student of Patna Law College in the 70s. "In Gorakhpur, I have seen lawyers, qualified to be lawyers, but who have no passion or active interest in pursuing it," shares Kabeer. The misguided notion of 'people who have nothing else to do become lawyers' was negatively weighing on the joint family members too.

"And so the extended family had many naysayers," says Kabeer, "and my grandmother could not understand what it was that I was doing which was taking so long," he chuckles.

But having travelled extensively since the age of 17 to places like China, Africa and others, it dawned on Kabeer that law was a respected profession worldwide. This was a positive affirmation that further fed his desire to carry on with law.

In 2008, he passed out of Government Law College, Mumbai University after pursuing a five-year programme. However, Kabeer surmises that a three-year course is good enough for a start-up practice. Unless one has real life exposure, just pouring over theories and statutes for another two more years is no good, maintains the 25-year old.

Being a state law college, the course fee was subsidised. "It was no more than Rs 15,000 per year, including the hostel stay," he states. But other expenses, including food were an expensive affair in the financial capital.

No sooner was the course over that Kabeer was lapped up by top-notch Mumbai Law firm, Nishith Desai Associates during campus placement. "I am an associate, and practice mainly with the corporate team in the social sector that includes the education sector as well," say the recent Mumbaikar on his work profile. While some clients are billed to ensure salary cheque, others are taken on pro-bono basis.

Kabeer is happy being a lawyer and servicing both the worlds. There are times when he is putting up a late night at work and a client calls to thank him. "It makes me feel special," he says. What's next for the hardworking ambitious lawyer? "I will continue to love what I do."

Despite his own experience, this father allowed his son to follow his footsteps.

A second year hotel management student at the Institute of Hotel Management (IHM), Lucknow, Anshul Arora is now done with the fundamentals of the course, and is moving on to specifics. His father Pradeep Arora, also a hotel management graduate, was not the inspirational force behind Anshul's choice, though. After serving the industry for 25 years, he hung up his boots and moved to corporate sector six years ago.

"I too had burnt my fingers running an Italian restaurant, which closed down. Every profession has its pros and cons," says Pradeep Arora.

"The job also has demanding work hours," explains Mr. Arora says, now a senior manager, HR and estate supervisor, Botil Oils. The decision to pursue hotel management was partly taken also because Anshul had been an average student, and possessed no appetite for academics. Hands-on training suited his temperament better.

Earlier, Anshul wanted to be a chef, but as the course progressed, the Delhi-born and bred boy realised that his strength lay in social skills. "Specialisation will further polish my communication as well as presentation skills," he says. He also realises that being more sophisticated in these key areas can open up a plethora of career options for him in top-notch BPOs or in the HR industry.

"And across sectors, I can land sales and marketing job," Anshul adds. Mr. Arora candidly attributes his grooming to the hotel management industry. "When I started out, my English was pathetic," he says. Post hotel management, an MBA in event management overseas may be Anshul's next stop.

"A hotel management graduate gets the kind of grooming that can kickstart one's career in the service industry," adds Anshul.

No one from her family had ever been related to films, yet, her biggest support comes from her father.

Rashmima's parents believed that if their child was motivated enough to find her destination, then they must give her the wings to do so.

A final year student of the Satyajit Ray Film and TV Institute in Kolkata, Rashmima used to work as a sub-editor with The Economic Times in Bangalore, the city where her parents are settled. But she longed to be associated with film-making. So, she filled up applications for FTII in Pune and SRFTI in Kolkata. Rashmima got a call to enrol from the latter.

A career associated with films raised a few concerns from relatives and friends. No one from her family had ever been related with films, so the concern was natural. But that was no reason for civil engineer father Mr. T Dutta to discourage her.

"I went by her inclination, her future, and the fee affordability," he says, when asked the reason for granting permission. "In fact, I was thrilled when I heard Rashmima has got through SRFTI," he shares.

"My father said that if you are getting something on your own merit, then you should pursue it," she corroborates. "The reputation of both the institutes is unparalleled and being government institutes, the fees are subsidised," explains the 26-year old explains on zeroing down on to these two choices. The cost of three-year fulltime programme amounts to Rs 1.5 lakhs, including hostel fee.

Parental concerns of sending a girl away to a hostel in Kolkata were high for Mr Dutta and his wife Mala. "In today's scenario, most children are out of their homes either for studies or for jobs, so we were mentally prepared," he shares. For Rashmima's mother, reconciling with this modern day trend was a tad difficult because her only sibling and brother, a computer engineer by profession, also lives away from home, for work.

And it would be long before Rashmima, an alumnus of Asian College of Journalism in Chennai, returns home for the next stop would be Mumbai. "Mumbai will give her the opportunity of earning and learning," says Mr. Dutta, "The real mettle will be tested in Mumbai."

For Rashimma, who is specialising in editing, she will have to find a job on her own as campus placement is not the trend in her institute. But there are a good number of contacts, alumni and faculty members, whose help is sufficient in finding that first job. 

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Dr.A.K.Gangotia

Inspiring story of a blind media graduate

Meet Garima Goyal, who had to give up her dreams because of an irreversible and degenerating eye condition, went on to become one of India's first visually challenged media graduates.

The day before her first history test in the tenth grade, Garima Goyal's mother walked into her room and said: "You have the same problem as bhaiyya."

For a regular 15-year-old, this might have sounded like bickering about the mess in the room, her grades or some such mundane problem.

Garima's brother, Ashish, however was no regular teenager. After that morning, she wouldn't remain one either.

It had been a few years since her brother was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa, an irreversible and degenerating eye condition.

Ashish Goyal was going blind. And now, so was Garima.

Meet Ashish Goyal, world's first blind trader

A little over 10 years since the day, the two siblings have lost most of their vision.

Ashish has gone on to become the first blind person to graduate from Wharton and is the first blind trader at J P Morgan's London operations.

Garima is one of the first visually challenged media graduates from the Maharashtra State Board of Technical Education. She's completed her course in social communications media from Sophia College -- a major portion of this course involves a strong visual element.

She has around 20 per cent of her sight remaining. This means even when I am sitting at arm's length and waving my hands at her, she doesn't know a thing. All she can see is a vague outline of my head and senses some movement of people behind me.

Garima doesn't wear dark glasses. Instead, she sports a pair of spectacles with a very thick lens that helps with whatever little is left of her vision.

Most of what Garima can see is largely dependent on lighting. Mostly though, the 25-year-old has to make do with a cane.

It isn't a regular red-and-white cane -- it's black and metallic, stylish, with a wheel at the bottom and much longer than the regular walking sticks most of us are used to seeing.

She uses the wheel to draw semi-circles as she walks to gauge the ground ahead.

Often, the stick itself has raised curiosity amongst strangers around her. They want to know what it is and when she tells them, they want to know if she is blind.

"You don't look blind," is something Garima hears very often.

To be honest, at first, she didn't seem like a visually challenged person to me either. Part of it, perhaps, has to do with the fact that Garima is so comfortable with her impediment, she's learnt to overcome it superbly.

A larger part, I suspect, has to do with a different kind of blindness -- ours. We're simply conditioned to believe that all blind people must carry a red-and-white cane and wear a pair of thick, ugly dark glasses.

Garima, though doesn't care or at least won't give the impression she does.

The first thought that crossed Garima Goyal's mind the morning she was told she was losing her vision, was, 'I won't be able to paint anymore!'

Garima was hoping to become a portrait painter. "It was all I wanted to do," she says, more matter-of-factly than with regret.

She'd started drawing when she was four and had taken to watercolours when kids her age were struggling with crayons. All through her school life, she'd painted away. But, just before she was to make the crucial career choice, came the news.

Ashish's condition was discovered a number of years ago. Visits to the family ophthalmologist were frequent during their childhood, since both the kids had glasses from a very young age.

After one such visit, the doctor asked them to wait outside as he spoke with their parents.

On their way back home, they insisted on knowing what the doctor had to say.

Their mother avoided the topic for a few days, then finally broke the news to Garima and her other siblings.

It seemed surreal, and with a sense of deja vu, the Goyals braced to accept a second tragedy in the family.

Garima doesn't speak much about this phase. She says her dad too never spoke about it.

In fact, memories of that day seem to haunt her -- even though she shared what happened, she didn't want any mention of it in the article.

Dad Ashok Goyal, who is in his late fifties, is a property developer and has been responsible for constructing Goyal Shopping Centre -- one of the foremost shopping centres in Mumbai's suburbs.

Their mother, Jyoti, was a college lecturer who quit her job to take charge of the household.

Garima's brother Ashish's journey -- one of true grit and determination -- also started on a shaky note.

One evening as a child, while cycling, he hurt himself badly when he missed a large pothole. Although he didn't know it then, this was the beginning of his condition.

Later, he began to miss shots while playing tennis. On one occasion, he simply didn't see the ball coming till it hit him on his chest.

That was when Ashish gave up his dreams of becoming a tennis player.

Instead, he excelled in his studies, worked extra hard in his college in Mumbai, then at ING Vsysa, went to Wharton, landed at J P Morgan's chief investment office in London and stuck a thumb at the recruiters who had turned down his application during campus interviews.

Garima clearly had a large pair of shoes to fill.

As the youngest of three siblings -- between Ashish and her, there's Neha who is currently pursuing her post graduation in dermatology -- comparisons with the other two were almost constant.

And while she loved her siblings, she hoped people saw her for who she was and not just as Neha and Ashish's sister.

It was a senior in college who sensed this and offered to help.

"He challenged me to beat his scores. I said it was impossible, but since it is in me never to let my dear ones down, I did my best and graduated with flying colours."

Garima counts her years in college as being some of the toughest.

Coping with her condition during her teenage years was not easy. She remembers jumping into extracurricular activities just to keep depression away.

"Ashish had suggested this. So I started participating in every committee in college," she says. "It was a whole new world and I wanted to experience everything."

At the time, Garima's condition was in its nascent stages. She could still go about her daily routine without anyone noticing the difference.

But, since it would only be a matter of years, she decided to let her friends know.

One of the first people she told was a classmate who told her, 'Main teri secret kisi ko nahin bataaongi (I won't let anyone know of your secret).'

Garima felt somewhat cheated. It wasn't supposed to be a secret. Sooner rather than later, everyone would know.

When I asked her about the most difficult times in her life, she counted this as the first.

"Overcoming depression during my early college years was tough," she said. "That is the age when you want to be a normal teenager, but you get labelled dumb because you cannot complete papers. You try to fit in but you can't."

It took her three years to come out of that phase.

"I used to sit for hours doing nothing. Time and the fact that no one let me give up healed it, I suppose," she says.

The second phase was when she was pursuing her Master's course in Commerce from Sydneham College, Mumbai.

"I was figuring out what to do and was largely at home, learning music and taking some time off. That was when people began to take my presence for granted. Everyone assumed I was only waiting to get married."

Around this time, Garima found solace in writing -- she has two unfinished novels and a whole lot of poems -- and asked herself what she hoped to do in the future.

"Media seemed to be the place where creativity and writing came together," she says.

Garima joined Hindustan Times in Mumbai as an intern to get first-hand experience.

She remembers her first day -- a friend came over early in the morning and helped her go through six newspapers.

For the next three months, Garima worked at their office, where she edited stories for the Metro desk with the help of special software they had let her load.

This was the first brush she had with the outside world. It gave her the confidence to step out of her comfort zone; it also gave her much-needed direction.

Three months later, Garima knew what she wanted to do. She applied for the social communications media course at Sophia College, Mumbai.

"The department had inhibitions as to how a visually challenged would pursue a high-pressure visual course. They communicated their reservations to me.

"As part of the course, we were supposed to make a film, design ads, go out and speak with people. It wasn't going to be easy and I had no idea how I'd do it, except that I wanted to."

Garima started off on what she describes as the third most difficult phase in her life.

Garima's first assignment involved watching D W Griffith's The Birth Of A Nation.

By now, Garima had lost most of her eyesight. But she hadn't stopped going to the movies with her family and friends; she could still follow most of what was going on because of the dialogues and the music.

The Birth Of A Nation however was a different ball game altogether.

Released in 1915, the seminal movie belongs to the silent era.

"There were no dialogues!" she recollects, now laughing. "And it was a three hour movie!"

As she sat through the movie, Garima felt like a fool. "I wondered why I was even bothering to waste my time on this. I couldn't see a thing. I couldn't understand what was going on."

By the time she went back home though, Garima had made up her mind to get around the situation. She searched online for information about the movie, read up on it, researched the hell out of the topic and came back to the next class.

In her semester exam, she would top the film paper.

The year-long course threw more unusual challenges at her. Like the time she stepped out for a vox pop.

"One of my classmates escorted me to the corner of a road and went about her assignment. We'd decided to meet up once we were done. I started calling out to people crossing the road and talking to them.

At one point, I suddenly realised I was talking to no one! The person I had been speaking with had left. More than humiliating, it was scary. There I was standing God knows where and I was all alone."

Garima says the course made her push her limits. It was challenging and affected her health but, she says, it was worth the effort.

Along the way, Garima made friends -- friends who stuck by her, didn't mind being woken up in the middle of the night to talk to her or stop by just so they could do little things for her.

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Looking back at her achievements, Garima is content. She is currently working with her guru, Balaji Tambe, who runs a holistic healing centre in Karla near Pune and is translating his works into English.

She has never learnt Braille and says technology has helped her get by without much difficulty.

Her phone and laptop have screen reading software that help her read and write.

When I ask her if she's ever felt alienated because of her condition, she tries to think back. "Maybe when I was 16 or 17." After a little while she adds, "I do not recall. The more you collect things, the more difficult it is to move on."

Life may not have dealt Garima a fair chance, but it isn't something she is complaining about; she prefers to focus on her future.

"I am still figuring it out," she says.

The one lesson she's learnt though is to be true to herself at all times.

"Initially, people are sceptical of you. Then, when they see you work, they are proud. Later comes the phase when they begin to expect the best from you. When people tell me how I've changed, I only smile. All along, I have been the same 

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Dr.A.K.Gangotia

5 mistakes which we make as Parents

All parents wish nothing but the best for their children. They want their child to be happy and want to see them to succeed in life. Your bond with your child during his growing years is very important. But there are still a few mistakes which many parents tend to make, which can have quite negative effects on their mind and hamper their development. So what are these mistakes, which all parents have to work upon? Let us have a look at them .

1) Comparing

Most of the times, parents compare their child with their neighbor's child who comes first in the class and is very studious, athletic, artistic and so on. What every parent has to understand is that every child is unique and has his own individuality. Parent's who fail to accept this fact, end up constantly comparing their child with others. It is better to stop comparing your child with others and in return focus on the things in which he or she excels. If you don't support your child with his weakness, he will lose his confidence and resort to attention seeking tactics to please you and others.

You as a parent should not point the flaws by comparing, instead should encourage him to work on them. This will not only help him to perform better but will also boost his confidence.

This problem doesn't end here; parents tend to make comparisons between siblings too. The child who is weak in academics is always compared with his sibling who is excelling academically. While one sibling is often praised the other is taunted and criticized in comparison. Behavior like this from the parent's side can have a bad impact on the child's health. He is bound to feel that his parents love him less because he didn't score well or didn't come first in his class, it can also create a bridge between you and your child. Parents should avoid comparing and should not allow their child's weakness to be the parameter of judging him.

2) Performance Pressure

With competition increasing day by day, parent's expectations from their children are also increasing. Performance pressure is the most common problem which every child faces today. Children are being continuously pressurized to be the best in almost everything today by their parents. All parents wish that their child should perform better than others, but continuously putting undue pressure on your child can suppress his confidence level and will disable him from performing to his potential. Parents should not get angry or taunt children if they score less but motivate them to do better next time. Antics such as taunting, not talking, ignoring etc. for bad scores can have negative effect on their innocent minds.

Many parents also promise rewards for better performance, please avoid this as much as you can. Make them understand the importance of getting good marks and how it will benefit them in the future. Rewards should only be in form of appreciation and motivation.

 3) Choosing Career

"I am going to make my son a doctor; I am going to make my daughter an engineer", are sentences spouted by many parents now-a-days. Parents often discuss what they want their child to be in their social circles.

Many a times, parents impose their choice of career on their child. This is not going to help you or your child, if his or her interest lies in some different field. Ask your child want he likes and wants to be in life. As a parent it is very important for you to analyze your child's aptitude and select a profession or career for him in which he shall excel and succeed.  Let your child decide his preference regarding his career rather than you enforcing him with your choices. Many children because of their parent's choice are forced into professions, but fail to succeed because of lack of interest.

Give your child freedom to decide about what he wants to do. This will not only help them to work hard on what they like but will also shine in their career if it is something of their choice. So be supportive to whatever decision your child makes for himself. 

 4) Punishing

Many parents punish their children for getting poor grades. Parents' sometime resort to violent form for punishment like beating their children, keeping them home (grounded). This can have a bad impact on the child's health, as it can make your child develop a fear of failure. They will withdraw themselves from others, their confidence levels will drop and even if the child wants to work hard on his mistakes, he will not be able to do it. Punishing is not the solution to the problem if your child gets poor marks, as a parent it is your responsibility to find out the reasons for his poor performance. Sit with them and find out if they have any difficulty, so that you can solve them as this will surely help them in working hard towards improvisation.

 5) Underestimating

 "If she can come first than why can't you? "You must have asked this question to your child an umpteen number of times. But what happens if your child comes second in academics or if he comes first in dance completion or in some sports. All children are different; all of them have their own specialty and interests. If someone likes to be a scientist then others want to be singers like Lata Mangeshkar. What is the harm if your child is extraordinary good in singing or playing cricket and average in academics?  It is parents who have to find out the hidden talents of their children and support them.

So if you really want your apple to be a shining star, be supportive to him and  guide them in a positive way!

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Dr.A.K.Gangotia